you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
