Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
