I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
