I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize