by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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