Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
