the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
