just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
