Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize