Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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