Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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