Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
