Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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