for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
