I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
