Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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