I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
