I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
