I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize