it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Houston, we have a squirter
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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