I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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