Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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