is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
