I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is it because I queefed?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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