so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
