have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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