There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
