Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
