Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
