some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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