that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
