Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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