even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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