You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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