too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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