i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
