So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
