she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
