I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
