Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
