It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize