Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Randomize
