possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
