Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
