yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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