At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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