Quick, to the slutcave!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
