I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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