The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
