My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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