if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
