Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
