This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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