Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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