either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
