I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
