i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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