Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize