She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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