so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
