After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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