Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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