Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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