drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
