Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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