I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's blow job season.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
