There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
