Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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