I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize