I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
