your thong is hanging out like whoa
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
