she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
