Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
this is an emotional support booty call
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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