Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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