no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
