hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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