I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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