I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
