What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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