Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
