She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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