Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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