the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
