Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
