All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
