Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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