You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
