you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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