if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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