sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
