Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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