Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
