The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
