If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize