You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
