TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
