well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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