I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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