Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
