none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
