I want you more than these girls want KFC
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
